I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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