this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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