did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She is in my trunk
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
