Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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