I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
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Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
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My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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