The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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