I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
