Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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