i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
