It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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