i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
