My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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