The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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