Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
