Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
