she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
