the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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