i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
