isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How external is "for external use only"?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
