well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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