Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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