We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
this boner is exhausting
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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