Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
