I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
