isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
