I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
