if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i would punch a child for taco bell
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
