My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
