Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
