Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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