did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
