OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
