i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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