i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
