I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Everclear isn't food dammit
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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