i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
