I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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