I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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