How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
