Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
