I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
