So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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