she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
