i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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