We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
