Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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