I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
