Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
