Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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