If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
