Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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