I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Can I color on your dick again?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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