She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
