i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
