hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
