i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
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How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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