I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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