If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
