a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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