her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
