$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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