Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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