I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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