He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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