I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we're so committed to being not committed
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
