can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i love accidental penises.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
